Sunday, November 29, 2009

life at the moment



1. Where is your cell phone: On my bed next to me.
2. Your hair: is down, as always.
3. Your favorite food: Your standard burger with hot, crispy french fries. Yum!
4. Your dream from last night: It was bizarre. I forgot my final for my film class and there were cockatoos in all the trees.
5. Your favorite drink: Peppermint mocha :]
6. Your dream/goal: To help people through music or medicine, have a family, go to Ireland.
7. What room are you in: Mine.
8. What are your hobbies: Singing, writing, drawing, and learning new things.
9. What is your fear: Losing him.
10. Where do you want to be in 6 years: Either medical school or making music.
11. Where were you last night: with Aaron :]
12. Something you are not: fit. :-[
13. Muffins: Either banana walnut or blueberry. Delicious.
14. Wish list items: a unique ring, fringed purse, an iPod of some sort, and dvds from Tommy Tiernan, my favorite comedian.
15. Where did you grow up:
southern California, where I am now.
16. Last thing you did: went to the orthodontist.
17. What are you wearing: my worst jeans, paisley tank and a black cardigan.
18. Your TV:
is currently off.
19. Your pets: 2 Weimaraners, Silver and Captain.
20. Your friends: are few, but are very dear to me.
21. Your favorite store: borders, urban outfitters.
22. Your favorite color: turquoise

Sunday, November 22, 2009

my heidi<3


i snuck her into my house yesterday.

im so in love with this little girl :]

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

refreshing thoughts


i can give myself hope.
i can give myself strength.
i can be whatever i want to be in this life.
i dont need some god to make me whole.
i can pull through anything.
im alive, and i can make the most out of anything.

i think i had an epiphany tonight.
i must remember this for the times that get tough in my life.
it feels so damn good to think this way.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

brilliant, simply brilliant

Today, my five year old nephew came up to me and asked me what an orgasm was. Before I could answer he asked if it was when someone's organs exploded. I told him yes. He then proceeded to tell his mom he never wanted to have an orgasm. The look on her face was priceless. MLIA

violent tendencies.

i want you to feel what it's like to be me
this is what you make me
this is what you make me
im ready to combust, it needs to be free
it's a threat that you don't see
this is how you made me


things get harder every day

havent written in a while.
things have been busy.
aaron is sick, so im up by myself trying to get back to doing my midterm after taking a "break." im about halfway done page-wise, but not content-wise.
im tired now but i wanted to finish before going to sleep.
ive been pretty down in the dumps about music. ive thought about quitting this whole band thing altogether because i pretty much feel secondhand. it's hard to find members, esp those interested in having a female vocalist, and with a bf who already is involved in one band. im still so bitter towards them, and ive been feeling it a lot lately. i cant listen to him talk about his other band. i get so angry and jealous that i nearly lose it. i crumble inside and lately ive gotten really bad... i start envisioning some pretty violent shit. it makes me wonder if there's something wrong with me. like, it just doesnt seem normal, and im a pretty patient and peaceful person. i dont ever want to harm people, but with them...

or maybe it is normal. i dont know.
i failed my diet, again.
back to eating nothing tomorrow.

i swear, things are getting harder by the day.

i almost talked to aaron about taking a break the other day too.
it had to do with band stuff and i just havent been the best out there lately.
i think he sensed it, because he convinced me not to, without me ever having to tell him what i was thinking about.
i love him, but i wanted to feel loved. not like a metaphorical punching bag.

i thought of names again, too.
sad, i know, but it keeps me... sane? nah, too melodramatic.
idk it's kinda theraputic for me or something haha.
jeez.

but ok:

1. freya therese (and if i have her with aaron one day, her initials would be FTW! hell ya!)
2. marina isabel
3. alanna belle
4. summer rose
5. avylon/aveline leclaire
6. jack sawyer
7. brody bay
8. chloe avylon
9. jack leonardo
10. sawyer chance