Wednesday, October 14, 2009

www.mylifeisaverage.com is the best

Today, I went to the local orchard. They have a play area, with a rule sign at the gate. The first five rules were normal, like don't throw things, and wear the wristband for proof of purchase. The sixth rule was "Parents, don't leave your kids unsupervised". Underneath that, in italics, read "Kids left unsupervised will be given espresso and promised a bunny". My parents and I started cackling madly. MLIA

Today, my brother asked my mom why wearing no underwear is called "commando." She replied, "Because commando means you're ready to attack.". My mom just got significantly cooler. MLIA

Today, I was forced to put up Halloween decorations with my 3 year old cousin. She picked up a plastic bone, and proceeded to name him Mr. Boner. She thought it would be appropriate to carry around her new plastic friend, and introduce him to strangers. Thank you my little cousin for making such a boring task so incredibly awesome. MLIA.

Today, I was talking to my older cousin about how much I hate my last name, Dill. She then asked me to think about how she feels because her name is Chrystal Leer. I didn't understand until she reminded me her middle name is shanda. Chrystal Shanda Leer. I love my Aunt and Uncle a little bit more now. MLIA

Today, I recieved a birthday card from my 80 year old grandmother. The card read, "Here's 50 bucks. I still love you. Even though you never f-ing call me anymore." I now have the utmost respect for her. MLIA

Today , I decided to tell my family a riddle that goes like this: "When you have it you want to share it, but when you share it you don't have it. What is it?" The expected answer to the riddle is "a secret", but my little brother said "Virginity?" I love him a little more now. MLIA

Today, I walked into my family room to see my mom watching the video of her marriage to my stepdad, because she wanted to transfer the VCR to a DVD. I got there right in time to watch myself walk down the aisle as the flower girl. Half way down, I dumped out the remaining flower petals in the basket and put the basket on my head. I proceeded to skip the rest of the way down the aisle. Way to go, little me. MLIA

A while ago, I found out that "Liar, Liar Pants On Fire" translated into French and back comes back to say "Teller of Untruths, Your Trousers Have Combusted". I laughed. MLIA

Today, I discovered that the roof of my apartment leaks when it rains. Right into my sink. I'm still not sure if there's a problem. MLIA

Today, I was teasing my mom on the phone about my cousin who is pregnant without revealing who is actually pregnant. I was giving her hints such as they're 18 years old, it's not that surprising etc etc. Finally she said "who is it, you?" I paused slightly and asked her how she knew, she freaked out for ten minutes then hung up the phone. I don't know what's more surprising, that my mom forgets that I'm really twenty-one, or that my mom thinks men can get pregnant.

Today, we had a substitute in class. Right before she began to call the roll, everyone in my class decided that we were gonna say "chop" when our name was called. She started calling everyone's name and was confused at first about our responses, but soon went along with it. When the very last person's name was called, instead of saying "chop" he replied "timber!" and we all fell out of our seats. Easily the best homeroom ever. MLIA.

Today, while walking home I saw a banana peel in the middle of the road. I thought nothing of it until finding an empty turtle shell a few feet away. Someone has been playing Mario Kart in my neighborhood. MLIA

Today I noticed a sign on a door that said "This door is alarmed". Underneath it someone had written "What startled it?". MLIA.

Today, I was on the computer. I looked and saw the Microsoft Word paperclip guy but Word was not open. He winked at me and then disappeared. I'm worried. MLIA

Today, I went to the grocery store, and I saw a car that was exactly like mine, down to the color. I parked next to it, and left a note on the windshield that said "Sick ride!" When I was leaving the store, I found a note on my windshield. It read: "Thank you, my dear vehicular twin." It made me very happy. MLIA

Today, I was talking with this girl I met the other day and she asked when my birthday was. I told her it was September 31st. She screamed and told me that was her birthday as well. There is no September 31st. MLIA

Today I was looking through some old papers from 2nd grade. I noticed that on one of my spelling tests I had spelled "penis" instead of "pennies". I wish I could have seen my teachers face. MLIA

Today, I was texting my friend and I wanted to say "you're a weirdo" but the setting on my phone shows what it thinks the next word will be and it came up with "you're a chicken sandwich". Much better choice than my first one. MLIA.

Today, I got a book for my college class from the college bookstore. On the side of the book, there is a sticker that says "I'm Used, I'm Cheap, And I'm Available". I think my book is a prostitute. MLIA


hope this makes u smile :]

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