Thursday, October 15, 2009

made me smile

"Today, I just lost a bet to a homeless man he guessed what state I was born in (an infant), how many kids my father had (0 my mom had the kids) , and how many letters where in your last name (12 "your last name"). Best two dollars I ever lost. MLIA"

"Today, I was doing PR for our city police department and talking to kids about 911. I asked a group of preschoolers if any of them could tell me what their address was. A little girl immediately raised her hand and told me that a dress was a something you pulled over your head to wear. Best answer I heard all day. MLIA."

Today a guy in my history class said he couldn't take the test because he was suffering from sexual exhaustion. Without looking up from her desk, the teacher said, "That's ok, just use the other hand." MLIA

Today, when I asked my son how hitting his brother in the eye could be "an accident," he replied, "I was trying to hit him in the nose." MLIA

Today, my friend and I were playing with an application on his iphone, which is similar to a magic 8 ball. He asked it several questions and kept getting similar lame responses, such as "outlook isn't good," "not in a million years," "ask again later," etc. He got frustrated, and exclaimed, "Oh yea! Well I bet you don't have a girlfriend, do you Mr. 8 Ball!" It responded with, "Ask your mom." It could not have been a more perfect response. MLIA.

Today, my teacher told us that he found out the gender of his soon-to-be child. It's a girl. My classmates were asking him what him and his wife are thinking for names. He said they've decided to name her Brooke Lynn. Everyone aww'd at how nice of a name, till I remembered his last name is Bridge. I laughed so hard I snorted. No one got it. MLIA

Today, my American Sign Language class learned the sign for "drinking water": to mimic moving an invisible bottle to your mouth. A girl performed the motion with her hand in a tight fist rather than her hands cupped. The teacher broke out laughing hysterically. Little did we know she just signed "blowjob." MLIA

Today, my brother had tons of animal crackers on the floor looking through them. I asked him what he was doing and he replied, "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken. I'm looking for the seal." I have high hopes for him. MLIA.

Today in history, my teacher was talking about the women and horses that died during the crusades, and how horses were considered more important. "You can't ride a woman", he said, paused, laughed, then said "Well, you can, but I don't know how effective it would be in battle."He's definitely my favourite teacher. MLIA

Today, a man called me by accident. When I told him he had the wrong number he replied "No, you just have the wrong phone." Touché, phone man. MLIA.

Today, another physics teacher walked in to my physics class. My teacher started joking with him, and asked him, "Why don't you teach any AP classes?". In response, The teacher said "I don't know, I guess I just don't have A.P-ness." When the whole class burst out laughing, he didn't get it. It took him five minutes to realize what he had said. MLIA.

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