Thursday, September 17, 2009


after quite a few trips to the doctor and my gyno, i was diagnosed with having PCOS yesterday. talk about a bummer :[ i mean, it's supposedly pretty common -- about 10% of women have this disease -- but it still sucks.

but polycystic ovaries... me? whaaaat?
yeah, i guess.

i dont know if it's because of my weight or not. i know weight and PCOS have a lot to do with each other, but none of my other relatives have it and most of them are pretty fluffy people. after reading about a lot of other women's stories on the internet, i feel a little better b/c i dont think mine is as severe as it can get. i dont know if ill ever have trouble having children or become infertile or what not -- god forbid -- but i do know that some of the other symptoms have yet to appear... or if i do have them, theyre minor enough so that they dont bother me and im not incredibly aware.

still, it sucks.
it's not something that can be cured... it's something that u gain control over by changing your lifestyle. :-/ that's not too horrible, right? i mean, it's not like it's a fatal disease. it's just something about being a woman that makes it a little more sucky. i mean, who wants excess facial hair, a deeper voice, darker/rougher skin, and acne, as well as a messed up reproductive system? count me out!

but i guess it wouldnt be too hard to deal with.
changing up diet and exercise, taking the prescribed meds... not too bad.
but i dont wanna have to deal with it, you know?

im 19. im supposed to be livin it up. not doing 1200 daily calorie diets, or worrying if ill ever be healthy enough to have children one day.
i suppose im making it out to be a bigger deal than it really is.
but at least im taking it seriously enough so that im motivated enough to change it, right?

ahaha im not letting myself be sad. i got that out of my system yesterday.

now im just like... ok, where do i go from here?

hopefully that surgery will improve things and everything will go back to normal...
well, it wont ever be normal again if i have surgery, but ill look and feel like a regular human being.

i wish december would come already.
im ready to be skinny and happy and take on the challenge.

haha well, at least i have answers now. i always thought that... well, idk.
i dont wanna go into it, honestly hahaha.

but, if you are reading this and youre a woman, take care of your body.
try to get at a healthy weight and exercise.
if you think there's something wrong with you, there probably is, so get yourself checked.
there are so many things you dont know about your own body.
lastly, dont take anything for granted.
appreciate everything you have, even if it's a disease and it sucks, or if you are in a bad situation.
ANYTHING can be worse than it is.

that's what i learned.

and this is probably the only time ill ever talk about this.

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