Sunday, June 21, 2009

privacy?

sometimes i feel like i really dont have any anymore.
i suspect that my mother reads my journal whenever i leave it at home... so now i start taking it everywhere i go, since it's little enough to stick in my purse.
ill hear her mention things or reference topics that i had written about the previous day or from the latest entry. maybe it's just coincidence but it's happened often, so i think i may have to scratch that.

im on a whole bunch of networking sites: myspace, twitter, facebook, netlog, here, youtube, i have AIM... im a social networking site junkie. and now my family wants me to add their accounts on all of those as well. um thanks but no thanks, ya know? i tend to curse like a sailor, discuss subjects that may be inappropriate, and my taste in humor is somewhat vulgar as well. im not exactly keen on them being exposed to that haha. all my friends are accustomed to it, or are like that. my family... eh, they wouldn't be impressed in the slightest.

in addition, my boyfriend is upset that i keep a journal. he argues that i should be able to tell him everything... and while that may be true, i believe that we all need a little bit of private personal space. i vent in my journal [mostly about him], i make crazy weird lists, i draw, i talk about longings and conflicts i have within myself. i have my own secrets. i think if i made everything like that public to people like my mom and my boyfriend... eh, someone's going to get hurt.
but no, he doesnt necessarily get it. i pulled out my journal yesterday to do a quick sketch of a picture he had on his phone because im going to recreate it on a shoe [yeah, strange, i know] and all of a sudden he snatches it and starts reading it. he questioned what i wrote and i told him "hey, i never agreed to that. i dont owe you any explanations, dude."

none of us mean what we say when we're angry. when i vent, i can be mean. so rather than tell it to my bf's face, i write about it [so i can fall asleep and not be kept up by my thoughts as well]. most of the time i look back on the entries and either shudder in embarrassment, cringe due to the harshness, or realize, hey, i need to do something about this reoccuring issue.

i dont know. am i wrong in thinking this? SHOULD i be more open about stuff like that, even if i know that he's going to react negatively to something?

sometimes, for other people, ignorance is bliss. or would it be considered lying for omission is the same as a lie?

hmmm.

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